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Thursday, January 26, 2012

1/26/12; The Grand Return

It seems like ages since I discovered this place, and to think I only was here for a week...
Things are gonna be a bit much different around here from now on. No, I don't mean a new background. I mean brand spankin' NEW CONTENT all up in this bitch! You heard me right! I'm back in action, and this time I'm not gonna wimp out like last time. Get ready to set a new homepage, because considering how often you're gonna be checking this place you might be in risk of Carpal Tunnel in your blog checking hand. Also this post is gonna be video game themed.

Now let's get this started already!

The Almighty Random Thought of the Day

I can't tell you how many times I've played a game and noticed that the society within the virtual world does things that are so incredibly stupid it's hard to explain why they do it, things that either make life more difficult, or make the expected life span of any given person less than a week. Now there's an easy way to explain these inexplicable acts of idiocy, "The Governor of Earth." Here's two examples I've come up with.

Blast Corps. (N64): For some reason hundreds of trucks with the explosive capability of nukes are randomly going out of control, and wandering into towns. In order to prevent the truck from exploding, you must destroy any bit of the town that's in the way (which is usually a lot of it) so the truck doesn't hit it.
  "The Governor of Earth recently instated a new law which requires that all trucks, that contain more than 5kg of explosives or radioactive material, may only be driven by a narcoleptic person. Should any explosive truck hit a building, the owner of the building can be fined for any property damage, and medical/obituary costs caused by the explosion. Should a demolition crew cause the damage instead of the truck, nobody is liable for damages."

Katamari Damacy Series: The prince is going around rolling everything up into a clump, and giving them to his dad so that he can set them on fire, and launch them into space. Nobody seems to try to stop, or even care about all their stuff, their family, and even their homes being "turned into a new planet."
  "The Governor of Earth has decreed that Katamarism is a legitimate religion, thus anyone attempting to prevent the creation of a Katamari can be prosecuted for infringing upon the katamarist's freedom of religion."

Today's secret ingredient is...
The Mystery of Glass Joe's Victory

If you've played any of the 'Punch Out!' games, you'd know that the first person you fight in the league is Glass Joe, a sterotypical frenchman who is well known for being the worst boxer ever. He's so horrible that he's fought 100 fights in his career, and only once did he ever actually win. Question is, if Glass Joe is the worst fighter ever, who did he beat?
  This mystery was once addressed by Nintendo claiming that, "Glass Joe defeated Nick Bruiser due to a freak accident." However this is where the plot thickens. There are three things wrong with this claim.
1: Glass Joe had his one victory in the NES Punch Out, while Nick Bruiser didn't exist until SNES Super Punch Out.
2: Glass Joe did not star in Super Punch Out.
3: Nick Bruiser's record before fighting Little Mac was 42-0 meaning he never lost.
Glass Joe couldn't have beat Nick bruiser because not only did they not exist in the same game, but Glass Joe won before Nick Bruiser was a fighter, and Nick never lost a fight.
There have been various theories as to how Glass Joe's victory came to be, such as the german boxer Von Kaiser knocking himself out by trying to attack Glass Joe with his moustache, King Hippo suffering from food poisoning resulting in a forfeit, or even Little Mac because some drunk guy was so bad at playing Punch Out he lost to Glass Joe.
  We can never be sure exactly how it happened, but let it be known that Glass Joe is not a complete loser, just very close to it. At least he looks snazzy when wearing headgear.

Man that felt good writing all this! Hopefully you'll all notice that I'm back, and enjoy this post.
Until next time, stay sexy people!

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